Christmas is over. The presents have been purchased, wrapped, unwrapped, unboxed, re-boxed (in some cases), cleaned-up, and put away. My mind has been racing for weeks to execute and survive this holiday and now that it is over, I am trying to enjoy the few lazy days that follow.
One the best gifts I was given this year was from my brother: a book entitled, The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
The second best gift was one I gave myself: permission to, on the morning after Christmas, ignore the messy house and stay in bed to begin reading that book.
There is so much profundity in only the first few chapters — I won’t even try to summarize it. Suffice it to say, I had my pen out right away to take notes (!) and WOW.
It has been almost 48 hours since I cracked the spine and since, I have been lingering on one major theme that Singer introduces in the first few chapters — how the presence of inner dialogue inhibits the presence of mind.
Did you ever notice how much “talking” your mind is doing at any given moment? To Do Lists? Reminders? Re-playing conversations you’ve had? Rehearsing conversations you plan to have? It’s exhausting. And that’s the author’s point. We expend a TON of energy wrestling with an endless internal conversation. Even when the world around us is quiet, we can not find peace because we allow ourselves to be distracted by our own thoughts.
At any given moment, my inner dialogue sounds something like this:
Where did I put my keys?..I was just holding them…am I losing my mind? Damn I’m old…I’m not ready to be old…I gotta dye my grays. I gotta do something about these wrinkles. Oh wait…I forgot to order more eye cream…I should order it from my friend while is it still on promo…Oh crap I forgot to wish her son a happy birthday last week. Oh and that reminds me…my daughter was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. I need a gift. I need to add that to my list today. I need to coordinate rides for the party. I need to text my friend and see is she can take and I can pick up…I need to swing by her house and return her cake pan…I’ll put the pan in the car now so I don’t forget….wait…WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS??
And I won’t even get started on what it’s like to fall asleep at night.
My head literally never shuts up…
Once upon a long time ago when I lived on the upper east side of Manhattan, I would occasionally walk to and from my job which was in midtown on the west side. The walk was about 45 minutes each way.
Every time I did that walk — and this is something I never shared with anyone before — without fail, every single time I walked, I experienced a phenomenon that could not be explained…
New York is a noisy city (understatement?)– people chatting on phones, cars with music blaring, nannies wheeling crying children, custodians hosing down the sidewalks in front of every building, buses screeching to a halt at every corner, garbage and recycling pick up, sirens…like…all-the-freaking-time. There is always something making noise. And yet, EVERY and I mean EVERY single time, at some point during my walk, I would notice that for a just a moment…the city would fall completely silent. Not a single sound. It was only for a second or two…and it happened every time.
I could never predict when the moment would come, but I looked forward to finding it on my route. It was like my own personal magic. I was the only one who noticed and whenever it happened, I always made a point to savor it, even though I could never explain the how or why.
After beginning this book, and reflecting on how much inner noise I possess, I have been thinking… Maybe while I was walking all those years ago, it was not the city that fell quiet. Maybe it was me. Maybe there was a point at which I became so engrossed in my walk and so at peace with myself, that my mind stopped racing and allowed the silence to come forth… if only for a moment.
If only I could recreate that moment on demand…
If only I could teach my head to be quiet.