It has taken me several days to write this first post of 2017 because once I put pen to paper, I plan to hold myself accountable to these statements for the next 361 days, at the very least.
I spent the last moments of 2016 in amazing chaos — 5 kids screaming in anticipation of the ball drop, music playing, my best friend and I distributing flutes of sparkling cider and party hats and noisemakers to everyone. We even defaced our cheesecake to show how excited we were about booting 2016:
The countdown was on …5…4…3…2…1……….2017! FINALLY!
I spent the first few moments of 2017 in much the same type of chaos. As we rang in the New Year the kids danced around, we took some great pics, made lots of noise, shared kisses and watched our cell phones light up with messages and calls from our loved ones.
About an hour later, once we were able to get everyone to bed, I was finally able to capture the silent moment of reflection that I needed to welcome this new start wholeheartedly. One of the many silver linings to this divorce is that my closest friend whom I have known my entire life is going through a similar situation. Lately, when we are together, we shake our heads and thank God that we are, well…. together!
Late that night, we drank wine and shook our heads again at the disaster that was 2016 — laughing a bit, lamenting a bit, laughing again….”What the hell happened?”
It wasn’t until we polished off the rest of the wine and plowed through a beyond-fabulous cheeseboard, that I started making the list in my head. You know the list. The one we all secretly have…the one that lays out all the things we are going to do differently this year. What are my goals? What do I want to accomplish? Resolutions?
I swirled and swirled. The wine swirled and swirled as well. I couldn’t come up with anything concrete. At one point I turned to my friend jokingly and said, I think in 2017 I want to be a stoner — those people worry about nothing. She cocked her head to the side and said, I know you are not serious. She was right. I’m too straight for that.
But I was onto something with the “nothing” idea. It brought me peace.
The more I reflected, the more I realized…that was my answer: NOTHING.
I don’t want to place any expectations on myself this year. No plans. No goals. No pressures.
Just lightness and being. I want to be light and open to go wherever the year takes me.
I want to be present in each of those moments so I can recognize them for what they are and let those moments come and go….
I want to honor my effort to be present and light by also acknowledging that it won’t always be easy to do because I am a very calculating person at times. But therein lies the challenge.
So, with all due respect to Milan Kundera, the title of this post has nothing to do with his novel. It has everything to do with how I choose to approach this New Year — juxtaposing my efforts to stay light every day with the sometimes unbearable challenge that it may bring.
Each day will offer a new chance to reset and remain in the present, unchained.
It’s up to me to stay aloft.