Its hard for me to write about my children in such a public fashion. Mostly because I feel like their own struggles with the divorce are theirs and theirs alone…not to be shared. They didn’t ask for this and yet they are the most effected of all. Still, I am their mother and what they do and feel is intimately and eternally connected to what I do and feel. Separating the two is nearly impossible.
It would be easy to have a pity party for myself while going through this separation. If only I were younger. It would be easier to start over. Poor me….and whaah
Despite how inconvenient divorce is for my ego, I do feel lucky and blessed.
After all, I am 37 years old and I have 2 amazing children. I’m playing with the house’s money. Every morning their beautiful smiles light up my world — like two little beacons guiding my day. The house is full of their energy and their laughter. And right now they are in that sweet stage where all they want to do is hang out with me, giggle, be silly and have fun. Every parent knows this phase does not last long. In a few years, they will be all about their friends. I have to covet these precious moments. And I do…
I was texting with a guy recently who was so frustrated with me because I would never make time to see him. He could not understand how I have all sorts of time to do things with my kids and no time for him. (OK, honestly, if I am not making the time, then I probably don’t reeeeallly want to see him anyway, because single, non-dad guys just don’t get it. AMIRIGHT?)
Truth is, I think I would just rather be dating my children right now.
I want to take them to restaurants, skiing, shows and concerts. I want to entertain friends together at our house and bake things and watch movies. I want to take last minute vacations and road trips to fun, new places and take silly selfies and share inside jokes.
Have dance parties in the kitchen…
And cuddle every chance we get…
Since this divorce, it is not business as usual. And I would be a fool to treat it that way. This is a whole new beginning. I have to make my children feel and understand how much they are loved. I have to nourish their foundations for this new single parent relationship the way I would any new relationship. I have to communicate with them and acknowledge the major change that just happened in our lives, while helping them see the beauty in all of it. After all, the way I handle this transition for all of us, will teach my children how to handle life’s trials.
The other day, I ran into my neighbor. She is very sincere and I am always honest with her because I like her, and also because our homes are side-by-side and she can see right into my kitchen. So really, what is there to hide?
She asked me how we are doing. I said “We’re great…Have you seen us dancing?”
“Dancing?” she said.
“Yup” I said “We dance in the kitchen…The kids and I…It’s our new thing and it’s a blast.”
She and I giggled together and made a few more jokes about it.
“That sounds wonderful,” she said.
Yes. It is wonderful because it is freedom and it is life. And it is freedom to express life however and wherever we feel like it.
I LOVE dating my kids. I wish I could say that with every moment we spend together, I am the one teaching them how to live a more full and uninhibited and authentic life.
But of course, it is entirely the other way around.