Have you ever observed children as they play pretend? They often mimic the habits and dialogue of their parents and older siblings — doing and saying things they think they are supposed to…
Does playing pretend ever stop? True we may not be hovering over a miniature kitchen, mashing plastic fruit into bowls and sharing a “num, num, num.” But as we get older, it’s almost as if we retain that mock reality. Adulthood: Playing Pretend 2.0?
When we engage in conversation, we often dance around what we are really trying to say….being sensitive to the sensitivities of people around us. That’s annoying.
We are not saying what we mean. Instead we are anticipating how to respond to people — and carefully crafting dialogue and behavior around that anticipation. We are not listening to each other, because we are too busy trying to think of our next reply. And whatever we do say will be wrapped-up in layers of padding, most likely.
So why the game? Most of us don’t even realize we are doing it. It has become the norm. And things like social media enable us to present a false persona online– stoking the fire.
When we interact in the digital space, we can edit most everything about ourselves — what we do, how we look, who we hang out with… How scary is that?
In the same way that we anticipate sensitivities, we anticipate expectations. We put a pre-conceived set of expectations on everyone that we encounter. And some of us spend our lives documenting who has and has not lived up to those. Did you say hello to someone enthusiastically and not receive an equally enthusiastic reply? How does that make you feel? Did you snap to judge that person? Why are they responsible for living up to your manufactured expectations of how to say hello?
Why are we creating expectations in the first place? How can we be more authentic?
Obviously, I am speaking from first-hand experience on both sides of this dance: sensitivity and expectation. But why am I dancing at all? It’s exhausting.
In the end, it only creates more confusion, more anxiety….and lots of disappointment.
To survive in this society, some of the pretending is necessary. But, most of it isn’t.
Where’s the line? It’s time to take a step back and see…