We moms put a lot of pressure on ourselves. And we allow others to put pressure on us as well — our kids, our parents, our siblings, our friends. They may not even know they’re doing it. Innocently, they may be offering advice or sharing their hopes and aspirations for our well being. But you know what we hear? “OMG I have to live up to XYZ …for every person in my life.” We absorb it; it steers us internally and it sucks because we have no idea how much extra weight we are carrying around. Trust me.
Many moms are people pleasers. But, allowing others to influence our decisions means that we demote who we are and what we want. We leave no room to be selfish. I am not saying we have to be selfish all the time, but a little bit is OK. It feeds the soul. It develops the individual within each of us. It breeds self-worth. It makes us happy.
And a happy mom= happy family … plus… happy anyone else that she encounters!
One of my friends is going through a major struggle right now. She is at a crossroads in her life and trying to determine which way to go with her relationship and she is weighing all of the factors that will affect her and her children in every scenario. She is a bundle of nerves and it hurts to watch because I don’t know how to help her. So I listen.
What I hear from her is that she is feeling tremendous pressure from her family (and maybe from her own set of expectations) to make her next move….like…yesterday.
But she has very young children and for stability’s sake, she feels most comfortable staying put — maintaining status quo while she figures out what her next move will be.
I asked her one question: “Why do you feel you must you make a decision right now?”
She says it’s because she feels like she has no control — like she is in a state of limbo.
I asked another question: “Are you willing to just own that you are in limbo for the time being, and give yourself a freakin’ break?”
She laughed…then paused…then said… “I guess I could.”
Any why not try it? After all, do any of us really control anything? NOPE!
So today I’m carrying around this question: What is so wrong with owning the uncertainty? Maybe it’s a healthy challenge to welcome the times when we feel powerless, and just allow the external influences to come and go as they may.
One of my favorite songs, Be Me a Faucet, has a chorus that repeats the line “I’m Fine Right Here…”
Every time I hear it, it serves as an affirmation — it reminds me that for all of those times when I am not inclined one way or another, I have the option to just stay put:
Let nothing push. Let nothing pull. Relinquish control and stay… until I am good and ready to move.