True story. Too funny. Had to share.
Here’s the scene:
3 recently divorced women are sitting around one night after putting the kids to sleep. Woman #1 and woman #2 are loud mouths and woman #3 is the quiet, reserved type.
(Yes, it’s me and my friends. Yes, I am loud mouth #2)
So, we’re all sitting around one night swapping stories; chugging wine; getting just a little depressed about the single parenting road ahead.
The more we drink the more we bitch about all the responsibilities we are shouldering… full time jobs, managing the home, the bills, doctor visits, after-school activities, after-work events, bake sales, bandaids, bed time stories, PTO bullshit, the PTSD of divorce and the WTF??!?!? that is online dating these days.
This list was looooong and the conversation was loud between #1 and #2… back and forth, firing away until suddenly we hit a lull and all went silent.
Just when we thought it was a wrap, we saw her … “Quiet #3” … slowly standing up from her chair…
She raised her hands like a preacher at the pulpit, opened her mouth and let fly —
“You know what?” she started,
“I went to college…
I got a great job.
I wasn’t a SLUT like everyone else.
I got married. I had kids. I cooked for my husband…
(the decibels were rising)
I cleaned my goddamn house.
I called my mother every day…
I called HIS friggin’ mother every day.
I kept up my end of the deal.
I followed all the rules….
I followed all the FUCKING RULES…
(she’s screaming now)
AND WHAT DO I HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT??????
and then…as if on cue…
Quiet #3’s not-so-quiet 3-year old son jumps out from the behind the wall and yells “HELLLOOOOOOOO!!!”
And we all died…
Like seriously, died…because rules or no rules, the universe has the best comedic timing of all.