This year has been transformational for me in so many ways. One of the primary reasons I created this blog was to challenge myself to do what scares me most — put myself and my deepest feelings out into the world. I have always feared being an open book and this blog is just what I need to clear that hurdle.
I often wonder why I am so determined to share everything. Maybe it’s a power struggle — me vs. the universe. If I own up to all of it, I win? Maybe it’s me finally letting go and allowing myself to lose control. I don’t have the “why” figured out just yet, but the “what” is on full display here.
There is one person in my life that causes me to question my decision to be an open book, it’s my father. He would never criticize my sharing this blog. In fact, he and my mother have always been supportive and encouraging of everything I choose to pursue. But I look at how he approaches his own life and I wonder how it is that I find my strength in being verbose and he finds his in silence. We are so alike, and yet, so opposite in our approach. My dad is an intellectual. He loves to learn. Gets lost in books and articles. Always feeding his mind. When he is not taking information in, he is drawing it out and applying what he has learned to solve problems. The man’s brain never stops. In that, we are identical.
When he does speak, I always learn something. But he is selective with his words. His actions on the other hand, speak loudest. He gives his time and energy to his family above all else. He is devout in his faith. He is committed to doing what is right at all times. He is determined to live his life by example. And he never looks for praise. You will never see him post on social media. In fact, he doesn’t even like taking photos. He is the silent presence in the background of our lives, quietly ushering us forward.
I wish I could be more like him. Sometimes I even wish I could tell him that. But if I did, he would probably just nod his head in acknowledgement and the conversation would stop there. He is too humble for praise.
Silence may be another challenge to master later in life. When I’m ready, I’ll start with my father’s example….live quietly and act loudly.
But these days, it is the volume of my voice that drives me and I am determined to keep talking…