It seems like lately every day presents a new challenge to me — I am living life way out of my comfort zone. Greater financial responsibilities. Greater work obligations. Less control over where and what my children are doing when they are not in my care. And very little opportunity to have a “normal” social life in the wild, wild west that we call dating in 2017.
More often than not, I am uncomfortable.
Some days I am totally energized by it. Some days I want to run and hide.
If I am being totally honest (I am always honest here ;), I don’t know what to do about it.
I am unsettled. I am unsure.
When it looks like I have all the answers, I am usually winging it.
I am surviving every day. I can’t make plans, because I just never “know.”
Sometimes, that makes other people uncomfortable, but it is my reality. It is the reality of dealing with me.
I am scared often. I am aware of my fears and I know how to walk myself through the dark days. It is not that I can’t do it, I am just tired of doing it.
When family or friends ask how they can help me with daily tasks, I want to accept the help. But I don’t delegate to them, because it’s easier to just get it done myself.
I want someone special in my life, but I don’t feel like explaining my crazy life to a new someone. It’s easier just to remain still and deal with the days as they come.
There’s work to be done.
I know it will pass. I know that ever so slowly, the light days will outnumber the dark…it’s a matter of waiting, patiently.
But it doesn’t change the fact that at present, I am uncomfortable.