When I was married, I was fully on a conveyer belt to what I thought was the life I wanted, or the life I was supposed to have. Once the marriage was over, and I embraced my freedom, I spent a lot of time rediscovering myself and life became something utterly different.
Popular advice I heard pre-divorce, by many friends and loved ones sounded something like this:
- “Be sure to take good care of yourself”
- “Be patient with yourself” and
- “Give yourself time to process and mourn the loss of this part of your life.”
And, honestly, I have been good and patient and selfish when I can. Sometimes life allows for it, and other times it is not an option. On my more trying days, I find myself saying: “I need a clone. I need two of me.” Well, be careful what you wish for, Ang! Because, in reality, there are, in fact, two of me: there’s “mommy” and there’s “me” — and neither would survive without the other.
So, my home life is a bit hectic as a single mommy. Mornings are sheer chaos prepping both my kids for school and myself for work. But, once I kiss those soft little faces and send them on their way, I transition to “me” for the day. I walk to town, grab a coffee at Starbucks and hop on the train to the city — it’s as if I am embarking on a new adventure every day. And you know what? It never gets old. It gets cold (like really snowy, slushy and freezing in the winter!!), but it never gets old. I love my time as “me.”
Heading to work makes “me” feel alive, connected and purposeful in a very self-serving way.
While doing “mommy” work yields an entirely different feeling of purpose, and is less self-serving and more in service in of my children. Taking care of them fuels my heart and my gratitude for the gift that they are.
Being a mommy is a celebration of strength.
Being me is a source of empowerment.
Pursuing my career inspires “me” as an individual — the woman that’s exists when I am not “so-and-so’s mom.”
And, just as I love being a mommy, I equally LOVE me.
That girl is determined. Less inhibited. A bold thinker. She opens her mouth to speak up more than she ever has and I am so grateful for her presence.
She is fire on the dullest days and she keeps “mommy” happy and energetic and full of optimism. With her, life is vibrant, without her… well, let’s hope that no matter what life brings, I never have to be without her again.