Here’s a word that has been swirling in my head all day – value.
Value means many things to many people. I never really thought about how personal the perception of value is until I began to think about assigning value to the elements of my life — how I value my family, my friends, myself. How I value certain aspects of my job. My output. My reputation. My relationships.
Earlier in my career, I remember one of my managers saying –if you don’t speak up in a meeting you don’t add any value. I entirely disagree, because sometimes (not always) there is value in listening to the “asks” in a meeting. And adding value, to me, meant digesting those asks and later turning in a quality deliverable.
My ex used to get frustrated with me because I wasn’t competitive enough. But there are many ways to define competitive as well, and mine differed from his. It is true, I do not place high value on physical competition or arguing for arguing’s sake, otherwise known as debate. But I do value active conversation, physical exercise and the marathon, not sprint, that is my career, and competing against myself to make the most of my talents.
For some people, quiet time is valuable. Others find value in noisy surroundings and high-energy situations. For me, the value of each of those scenarios changes almost hourly and with my mood.
How can you identify if something has high value to you?
Simply put: Value is something you don’t compromise.
If something is valuable to you, you will:
- Move mountains to obtain it / hold on to it.
- Covet it.
- Protect it.
- Nurture it.
- Set it before / above everything else.
Whatever your “valuable something” is, it may be valuable for just a few moments and you will feel all 5 urges temporarily. It may have a long term value and you will spend your life with both arms around it.
Whether or not we realize it, what we value and how we demonstrate that value at all levels is the root of many of our differences. In order to get along with others, maybe the challenge is to first identify what we value and then whether or not it is worth the compromise.
My children are of the highest value to me. My relationships — with close family and certain friends, as well. My time is extremely valuable. When someone says “Can I borrow you for this… it will only take a few minutes.” Well, that is a few minutes that I am not playing with my kids or catching up with my mom and dad. That is a few minutes that my dog doesn’t get attention and that emails critical to my career, go unanswered. That is a few minutes that I am not at the gym, bettering my physical self and a few minutes that I am not in quiet thought reflecting on my inner well being.
Minutes grow into hours of valuable time that I must protect.
When you are a capable person, When you are the type of person prone to extending yourself to help others, When you are an understanding person — people will ask you for your time. The people I respect the most are those that understand the value behind what they are asking to borrow. The others, the time wasters, are the ones that I need to practice shutting down.